Can't time just stop?

"How wish I am 18 now and I can drive myself to any where I want", " How wish I can live my own life, earn my own money and buy the things I want". Aren't these saying familiar? Well, this used to be words said with high hopes and high spirit, but when you are really there, you wish you could take back those words.

Things has changed, many things were left in the memory lane. A fear of growing up? Maybe. Recently I was thinking back the times when I was a little boy, when I have mom on my side, and dad is always there for me, no worries at all, really none. But now, I missed those times, those innocent days, where I could just do whatever I want to do.

It is uncertain what future lies ahead of me, I really do not know. But one thing for sure, one thing that had never changed ever since I took my first breath on earth, my God has never changed. He was, and He is still the Lord of my life, the one who has marvelous plan for me.

Pretty sentimental right? Well, I do at times, when sentimental took over my rasionality.

1 year and more to go!

It has been a year, 2 months and 20 days since we have pledged and committed ourselves to be together. Yes, this is me and my beloved lover, Lea Yee.

Isn't she beautiful? Well, its kind of amazing on how a nerd like me could get such a beautiful girl as my soul mate, its a weird plan God has in mind, but hey, I would be more than happy to be in this weird plan! Many things we have gone through together; Happy times, arguments, surprices, all-that-you-want we have it!

Well, particularly, she doesn't like the way i dress myself, well, she would label me as ugly, or disgusting hair style, but hey, 9 out 10 she is right! Amazing right, but its true, I got to have to buck up myself to be more fashionable, anyone offering a hand? For example how to tell myself to love fashion more than....my books? Thats how she thinks of me, I love my books more than my outlook. Haha, but its kinda fun though because I get to have free fashion advice from her, I love her style, and I love to shop with her, especially recently, she had brought this shop-for-your-need-anytime mindset to me, got to get used to it. =)

People always sees us as a very sweet couple, yes indeed we are! But behind the sweet impression we have work very hard behind the scene, to know each other more, to discuss about our differences, our opinions on things and our future, we have done all those behind close door, and we ripe the fruits! Arguments, or shall I say discussion made us understands more about each other. There were even times when we felt frustrated on each other, but with thorough discussion, prayer and little sweet surprices, the relationship reached another level.

And now, after 1 year plus plus, our relationship is indeed, very very firm. Though still not reach unbreachable, but thats our aim for the years to come.

A letter of committment to Lea Yee:

I will love you for who you are, love you unconditionally. In whichever way I could, I will do my best to fullfill your needs. I will be your listener and will lend a shoulder for you if you need. Whenever you need me, I will be there for you physically, if not in any other possible way. Love you forever with all I could.

A letter of committment to Jesus Christ:

Dear Jesus, thanks for you leadership in this relationship. Please continue to guide us, lead us, so that we would love you more than we love each other. Help us to be focus on you, help us to be more mature, help us to cling on you and stand firm in you. Jesus, we love you, I love you!

Does it worth it?

We rate things in this world by what the particular thing worth. How much is a Prada bag worth? Is it worthwhile sacrifcing time to study? Is is worthwhile believing in something that virtually does not exsist? Tags were put on things in the world; this particular fellow is poor in his study, that girl is pretty, or even racist as times. Why? Why do we tag people like this? Since when the culture of labelling became the force behind the markets?

Is it worthwhile to do something that is right, even if you know you will suffer from that decision? Once a quotation says: Freedom is something that you ought to do, no what you want to do. Certainly. Suffering for the right course seems a "Righteous, Religious" statement, however, it applies to our daily lives. Isolating time out for studying, you will have to say 'no' to facebook, twitter and so on. Is it suffering? Yes, definately for most people, including me. Is it the right thing to do? Yes, most certainly without question.

Yet why there are so little people out there whom are suffering for the right course? Well the answer is, lack of courage. One thing, in my opinion seperating great man and women from the norm, is that they have the courage to do what is right to do, and suffer for what is right to do. Take Thomas Edison for example, over thousands time experimenting for the right materail for bulb? Crazy it can sound, but yet, after thousands of trials, he finally found the perfect match. Suffering for the right course? And to name a few more, Lincoln fighting for the rights of the Blacks, Mother Theresa sacrificing her life for hundreds of people in India.

Its easy to say, but can we do it? Or can I do it? Its hard, its tough, and it needs courage, tons of it.

Am I really that good, or perhaps bad?

Its kinda weird to post this, cuz there were so many things that had happened recently made me starts to wonder, who am I really is, and am I really that good, I wonder even am I qualified to be classified as good. Things has changed, time passed, and I'm now lost in the midst of time. Some people said I am good, mature, good leadership skills, but then deep inside me, I know, God knows, that I'm aren't that good actually.

I kept teaching people to have good self-esteem, but myself? I am not good at it at all, I look down on myself, on what I can do, on how things will turn for me, well, am I just a joker who just play a fool around but failed when the real business comes by? Well, its pretty true man, seriously, I thought myself to be one at some point in my life, no value at all.

But I know God sees me differently, He saw the good in me, He saw the potential in me, He saw the, indeed, REAL me, the one who can deal with things inch-perfect, the one that can handle responsibilities, and the one who will surely shine for Him. God sees the real us, He penetrates through our hearts and reveal Himself as our image. Shreg off the negative thoughts, there is no time for that anymore, with time passing in light speed, there is still much catching up to be done.

With my new Uni waiting for me in Nilai, I can't wait for things to start, new experiences await me, new friends and potentially new souls are waiting for me as well, Lord, send me to your harvest field, let me be your servant, let me be the harvester.

Loves Science, can't wait to get myself dirty for the sake of science, and of course, for the sake of God! =)

You're Overcomer, more than a Conquerer, today, discover a Champion in you!

Even when you did something wrong

Lord Jesus I love you. How many times in our lives that we will fall and make false decisions? Doing the wrong thing at the wrong time in the wrong place is probably the worse that we can do. We got the shame, got the blame, got scolding. I have done so many wrong things in the past, and God reminded me once again, son, I love you.

Why? What? Who I am to deserve such grace and love? Sometimes I don't realize that this was my pride, neglecting me to receive God's love and grace. Jesus, you are so good to me, in good times or bad times, you are my Lord, my King. You never leave me alone, nor forgotten me.

Engkauku sembah, Kau yang terindah
Pulihkanku dengan darahMu
Engkauku sembah, Bapa mulia
Seumur hidupku, ku mau menyembahMu

Jesus, strengthens me, expand my faith, to love you more, to know you more. For my life is Yours, for I am is yours. Jesus, I love you.

MIxed feelings

YEss! Finally this weekend i will witness the wedding of my sister and her long-loved fiance! Can you imagine after 8 years of courtship people are still tight together like them? And they are as sweet as before! I'm learning from them too, haha, because I believe the foundation of everything is God's love. YEss, happy~~happy~happy....

Well, I really don't understand, really really don't, i was argueing with God all the while for this matter, why does he send me away from this land? From my family, church, and my loved one? I don't understand, and this time he wants me to study things that I wouldn't dream of studying! My heart tears apart by the time I got this news, it is not in my planning at all.

Slowly and slowy, God is as if showing me something, He is trying to tell me something, I guess its 'Your mind is always greater than my minds'. Yes, He is the boss, He is, and I am just the servant. Then I could recall all the great servant of God in the past and present, how they commit themselves in having faith in God. Lord, I want to be one of them. I start to feel like what Ps Philip shared, that is the tear in the heart when I need to leave my beloved cell group, Cheras Youth cell, when I went there, there was literally nothing, and now my cell members start growing and is on the brink of multiplying, and God says: Hey Kenneth, its time to go! Speechless yet I know if I remained there, I might be the barrier of the cell's growth! People may not remember us, but God always remember what we did for Him, and for who we are.

6 more days to go and I will have to leave my home for an unchartted journey of life, at least for 4 years. Lord, lead me like how You've led Abraham, Moses and Joshua in the past. I love you Jesus!

Confession from my heart

Dear God,

For all you are, for who you are, worthy of all praise. Throughout all these years, You have been so faithful and true to me, it was truly my honour to be able to follow You, Jesus, if it was not of Your grace, I wouldn't be where I am now. Blessings over blessings, then tests over tests, I'm tired, I'm tired and at the brink of collapsing, You hold me, You hold me in Your hands, You never abandoned me, You are always there.

Jesus my Lord, my Saviour. I love you Jesus, it is You whom I love now till forever, never gonna let You down again, never gonna miss you out again, my Lord my Saviour, I love You.

Engkau ku sembah, kau yang terindah
Pulihkan ku dengan darahmu
Engkau ku sembah, bapa mulia
Seumur hidupku, ku mahu menyembahmu

Passion for a Kingdom

Recently I've got the chance to watch a few movies, some of them was truly classic for me, and some of them made me think deep. Out of those, IP Man and Valkyrie are the two that stand out for me.

Both of them shares something in common, passion for their country. Both at the end sacrifices their lives for the sake of their beloved homeland, for all cause they were ready to give it all, to redeem their nation. And today, how many of us are preparing to do so? How many of us here are prepared to sacrifice our life for our homeland?

Many have sacrificed, many have suffered, blood are shed, just for one soul purpose, for their nations. And Christians, are we ready to do the same? For the Kingdom of our all mighty God? Are we ready to share the love of Christ at all cause? Jesus loves everyone, yes, everyone..

New Year, New Life

Its 2009, boom, time flies really, it certainly will not wait for me! Already 16days into the new year, all I could say is thank God for bringing me through!

Everyone talk about your new year resolution when a brand new year comes by, a year ahead to plan, sounds great and exciting! I am waiting for my stpm result now, mean while being a part time printing worker as well as a tuition teacher, life can't be more content in that way! About the tuition job, is a chance that I wouldn't have expected, one day a sister in church come to me and ask me can I teach her son, although I did not answer yes on the spot, but deep inside my heart was a huge YES! Thank God for that opportunity..

As for my further studies, I have been dreaming on studying my first degree outside Malaysia, but perhaps financially I wouldn't be able to do so, so my conclusion is Mat 6:33 Seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these will be given to me! I will just keep doing my research on those opportunity, so the others? Let God la, haha..

Hmm, to the sensitive part of my life now, my relationship. Well, I don't really talk about this in public, I find it quite difficult =P. But then another second I thought: Hey, if its a good thing, share it out then! Well, first of all I really love her very much, Lim Lea Yee, if you don't know her. This wonderful lady appear and have been in every chapter of life since last year, I love talking to her, love starring at her, because she is so gorgeous O.O..So many things happen that they have not weakened but strengthen our relationship, dreaming on going vacation with her, dreaming to marry her! though because of my 'chu xin'ness have made her suffer a lot, but thank God because she is still hanging out with me! Gonna pray hard, so that wouldn't make her suffer again! Thank God for everything, thank God for her, love Jesus a lot a lot, and of course, love you =) a lot too..

Last but not least, in this new year, most importantly that I want to know God more, and be with Him more. A lot of things can change, people around us, the economy, the world is nevertheless becoming more and more unpredictable. 'My word will not fade' that sums it all, I will cling out to the word of God, cling on to Him to draw strength, cling on to Him to save souls! Before it get worse, come and cling on Jesus, for He has blessings and peace in Him. Jesus, take all of me for all of you, take all of me for all of you...



New Year, New Life
Kenneth