MIxed feelings

YEss! Finally this weekend i will witness the wedding of my sister and her long-loved fiance! Can you imagine after 8 years of courtship people are still tight together like them? And they are as sweet as before! I'm learning from them too, haha, because I believe the foundation of everything is God's love. YEss, happy~~happy~happy....

Well, I really don't understand, really really don't, i was argueing with God all the while for this matter, why does he send me away from this land? From my family, church, and my loved one? I don't understand, and this time he wants me to study things that I wouldn't dream of studying! My heart tears apart by the time I got this news, it is not in my planning at all.

Slowly and slowy, God is as if showing me something, He is trying to tell me something, I guess its 'Your mind is always greater than my minds'. Yes, He is the boss, He is, and I am just the servant. Then I could recall all the great servant of God in the past and present, how they commit themselves in having faith in God. Lord, I want to be one of them. I start to feel like what Ps Philip shared, that is the tear in the heart when I need to leave my beloved cell group, Cheras Youth cell, when I went there, there was literally nothing, and now my cell members start growing and is on the brink of multiplying, and God says: Hey Kenneth, its time to go! Speechless yet I know if I remained there, I might be the barrier of the cell's growth! People may not remember us, but God always remember what we did for Him, and for who we are.

6 more days to go and I will have to leave my home for an unchartted journey of life, at least for 4 years. Lord, lead me like how You've led Abraham, Moses and Joshua in the past. I love you Jesus!

Confession from my heart

Dear God,

For all you are, for who you are, worthy of all praise. Throughout all these years, You have been so faithful and true to me, it was truly my honour to be able to follow You, Jesus, if it was not of Your grace, I wouldn't be where I am now. Blessings over blessings, then tests over tests, I'm tired, I'm tired and at the brink of collapsing, You hold me, You hold me in Your hands, You never abandoned me, You are always there.

Jesus my Lord, my Saviour. I love you Jesus, it is You whom I love now till forever, never gonna let You down again, never gonna miss you out again, my Lord my Saviour, I love You.

Engkau ku sembah, kau yang terindah
Pulihkan ku dengan darahmu
Engkau ku sembah, bapa mulia
Seumur hidupku, ku mahu menyembahmu