Tears of helplessness...

Recently, life has not been that tough before. Wake up at 6am, end up at home at 7pm. I will have to go to school in the morning, and afternoon will be traveling around the whole Klang Valley, its exhausting for me, really tired at both the ends. And while I was still pushing for more, my body decided to hold me back and say, Kenneth, that's it, I have had enough!

That forces me to take a day off my studies and work, this was my first time after years. Felt helpless, nothing I could do to change anything now, all I can do was to rest and let my body recover. Its tough for me, having so many things on the line, helpless I could say. On Sunday morning I went to church, one particular song touched the deepest end of my heart, it certainly did...

当我感到软弱无助

你能力显得完全

我要全心的相信

你神迹如此真实

不是自己依靠实力

乃是依靠你的灵

我要全心的相信

你神迹如此真实

I wept like a kid in front of Jesus. Why am I so stubborn at times? Why do I always depend on myself?  My heart was broken once again, only to be rebuild by the Holy Spirit and by the love of God. Not by my strength nor wisdom, but by the Spirit of the living God! Dear Father, I just want to walk with You, hold You tight and finish this tun with You...I love you Jesus....

Happy Birthday, to YOU!

Friday was a special day for a very special person to me, she is really special in the sense that she is from God, for me! She is a very beautiful, nice, and charming girl, God-loving sister. Having to know her so deeply since last year, she is really special to me now. So last thursday I went to night market together with her, had a very wonderful time, then sang a birthday song to her with a small piece of chocolate mud cake. Just hope that she would be happy and enjoy the time. May God bless her with blessings from heaven, fill her with the Holy Spirit, and fulfill Your destiny in Her! Well, she is really special, for me, no words can describe...  

This is a pic of her and two little actor and actress during christmas, the one on the right is her little bro! Beautiful, isn't she?

There is only a fine line between life and death...

Talking about life and death, its always a very interesting topic for people to talk to after meal, but not many take it seriously. Its a very very important and serious matter that everyone of us should be aware of, life and death is just separated by a breath...

3 days ago, my class were doing an experiment, the dissection of rats. So to faint and kill the rats, we used ether to do so, the effect of ether on human is pretty mild, if only a huge amount of this chemical is inhaled, then it will cause difficulty in breathing and so on, and if it is too severe, it might lead to death. So happily we did our interesting experiment, and at the end of the experiment, we cleaned our stuff and went back to our class. Job done! We thought....

Then the unexpected happened. One of my friend who went to throw away the waste, came back in a pretty awful condition, he was finding hard to catch his breath, and suffered from headache and  chest pain. At first when we saw this, we knew this is the effect of over inhaling of ether, but we thought that he could recover after resting for w awhile under the fan, but he didn't. Later on he lost all his strength and couldn't walk by himself, then we ran to the PBSM to get the stretcher to get him down to the PBSM room. Now everyone realised how serious this is. we started to do everything we could, including triggering him to vomit, which will help him to eliminate some of the ether. Then, he loses all his strength, and we were trying all we could to keep him awake. I was there when I saw his eyes were not going right, its a symptom when one is going off. There and then, we could have lost him....

But thank God he managed to survived this accident that no one would have expected. There and then he could have lost his life. Its only a breath separating it. And if now you're still taking life for granted, please think twice, because life and death is separated  only by a fine line. And if you are leaving the earth today, do you know where are you heading? A question for everyone  of us to answer, life and death, heaven or hell....

Sometimes, you just have to follow....

Its has been quite tough in the past 2 weeks, life have not been that easy all year long, hmm, but, phew, thank goodness I am still here, still standing...

Last week, the Awakening for Jesus camp was held from the 4-7 of June, its a revival service, its a life changing and nation changing time for Malaysia. I will certainly go, that's a norm. But, due to exams, I have to stay put at home to study. Its so so not me, hmm, its so tough to do something like this. Its just not ME!!!!! Sometimes I do wonder and ask God, why in this period of time? Why you put me in STPM while you are about to pour down your revival in Malaysia? Why do I have to do all these, its so not me...

Its so pain and tough in my heart, especially during the four days revival conference, and after the conference. Its so pain and tough for me when I know others were calling and seeking God to pour down revival to my beloved Malaysia but I could do was just listen to their stories. So many things went through my mind, so many thoughts. Not only this, for the sake of stpm, I have come not so active in ministry, when there are so many things going on, so many doors God is opening for our ministry, all I could do was staying put and study. I don't like this kind of feelings, its not fun, certainly not!

Well, any how, I believe in the risen one, I believe that everything happens according to His plan. Maybe at this moment I couldn't understand, but I am willing to obey dear Lord, I am willing to listen and follow what You've ask me to do, I am willing to surrender my all to You. God told me two things in June,

1st of June-
While we're praying hard in the prayer meeting preparing for the camp, God ask me to look, and then I look to everyone who are praying so hard, crying to God for revival in Malaysia. Then a thought came in: I will pour down my revival to this generation..Thank God, His promise. I played guitar in that meeting, and one of the strings eventually broken, and I took the string and tell God, this is Your promise!!

6th of June-
It was an evangelistic night service, A Trip To Hell. Shared by Ps Philip Mantofa, it was an unforgettable night. The fear of hell and the fear for the lost who might get into hell is just too overwhelming. And during the altar call, I was standing in front of the ladies, due to the mass no. of incoming crowd responding to the altar call. There and then, one thought came into my mind, its from God, He says: Remember today, remember tonight, remember the pain....I will Father, I will remember...

Its a route that God wants me to go through and I believe He has His beautiful plan behind all these. I will follow, I will follow You...

Life is beautiful-Namesake
Chorus:
I have decided, to follow Jesus (x3)
No turning back, no turning back

Though none go with me, still I will follow (x3)
No turning back, no turning back

The cross before me, world behind me (x3)
No turning back, no turning back